Securing private networks is a critical problem facing organizations that range from families to governments. Such organizations may attempt to secure a private network using a variety of traditional methods. For example, an organization's administrator may authorize computers with certain Media Access Control (MAC) addresses and only permit computers with the authorized MAC addresses to access the network. As another example, an organization's administrator may protect a private network with a password and only permit computers that successfully input the correct password to access the network. Unfortunately, a user of an unauthorized computer may circumvent these traditional safeguards, for example, by illicitly cloning an authorized MAC address and/or by generating a large number of consecutive password guesses in an attempt to brute force the network's password. Accordingly, the instant disclosure identifies and addresses a need for additional and improved systems and methods for protecting against unauthorized network intrusions.